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This fundraiser ended on 07/08/12

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Millions of people struggle with addiction every day. I am one of them. I want to recover. I need to recover. Please help me.

This morning I decided to admit that I have a problem and seek help. After hours of online research, I found a treatment center that I truly believe could help change my life. I decided that I would go there for help overcoming my addictions and depression. I planned to leave right away if they could take me.
When I called the facility, I found out the cost for the inpatient program is $16,000. and it is "personal pay", meaning insurance is not billed for the treatment. I have nowhere near that kind of money. I never have. I cried.
I need help desperately.
I kept doing online searches and found this site. This gives me hope and a way to keep believing that I will be able to get into treatment.
Yesterday I gambled away my last $40. and then overdrew my bank account. Then I got drunk so I could fall asleep. I awoke several times in the middle of the night sick over my actions. It was not the first time I have done something like this. Most nights I rely on alcohol to numb the pain enough so that I can sleep. Without it I lay awake and think about how disappointed I am in myself for the way my life has turned out to be.
It has lead me into an abusive relationship where I feel trapped and think that nobody else would want me anyway. Who would want a mate who gambles away money they don't have and drinks every night? I feel stuck and have done this for so long that it's now a cycle for me. It is such a dysfunctional normal, I know.
When I woke up today to the sun shining, I thought that it is a shame that I have become this thing that I don't even love. How can I expect the love of others when I cannot love myself? I knew at that moment that this has to be the day when I change my life.
It is not something I have ever been able to manage doing on my own. I need help. I want help. I want a second chance at life, a life where I can love and respect myself.
I know there are many people who need help and my problems may even sound self-inflicted. Please know that I hate how I feel and what I have done. It is not something I have been able to control on my own, I wish so much that I could. At this stage, I feel my only hope is to get into an inpatient treatment facility in order to battle my addictions.
Please help me. I promise that when I am able, I will pay it forward.
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